My Lil Man

I'm so new to blogging, you must bear with me.  I decided to dedicate this blog to prayers.  I've prayed all my life and I have seen prayers answered.  Not always in the time frame that I had hoped they would be answered, but yes, God has answered many of my prayers. 

      So, the reason I chose this subject for a blog was to let all of you out there--especially my children--understand that someone up above is listening, he does know you by name, and he will answer righteous desires. 

     I'm going to begin by telling you about a prayer that was answered for me recently and the reason I chose to name this blog Mom Mom's prayers. 

Ten years ago, I went through a painful divorce.  The worst pain I experienced was knowing that my children were so hurt by my decision to leave what I considered a very unhappy marriage.  It is difficult enough to watch your children suffer or get hurt, but to know that you, the mother, caused the pain, is the worst feeling of all.  The person that seemed to get hurt the worst, was my oldest son.  Our relationship became very strained after the divorce; he moved in with his dad, and stopped speaking to me.  Ten years passed, my son grew into a man and through a set of circumstances became a father to a beautiful little boy named Ben.  My son was now a single father raising his son on his own. 

     Because of our estrangement, I was not permitted to see my grandson--my first, and at this time, only grandchild.  My heart was broken.  I wanted so much to hold my new grandbaby in my arms, take care of him like a grandma should, shower him with gifts, bake cookies, cuddle--all those grandma's love things.  So I did the only thing I knew to do, I cried out to my Heavenly Father and asked him to please fix this situation.  I prayed about the situation daily.  My exhusband--Ben's grandpa--was very involved in his life but we barely spoke.  My other children were also involved in Ben's life, but I didn't want to put them in the middle.  Days went by, weeks went by, Ben's first year of life went by.

My daughter--out of love--would send pictures of my darling grandson via her phone when she babysat, but that only made my heart grow heavier.  I use to have those pictures as my screen saver on my computer and folks at work would often comment about how "cute" my grandson was and ask me questions about him.  I must admit, I'd answer them as if he was an active part of my life, not wanting to share the fact that I had never actually seen my grandson except in photos. 

     Shortly after Ben's first birthday, my exhusband called me on the phone and asked if I wanted to stop by my son's house around 2:30 the following day to visit with Ben.  He explained my son would not be home and I could just slip in for a quick visit.  I couldn't sleep the night before, I dreamt of holding, playing, and cuddling my sweet baby grandson for the first time.

     The moment finally arrived.  I knocked on my son's door, heard my exhusband yell "come in," and walked into the house.  Sitting on the  livingroom floor playing with his toys, was a miniture version of my son--long lashes and big blue eyes, all the same expressions, I felt like I was transported back in time. 

However, when Ben saw this strange woman walk into his home I didn't get the reaction I had dreamed of the night before. He immediately ran to his grandfather for protection and climbed up on his lap.  I sat on the couch and chatted with him, he eventually felt comfortable enough around me to get back down and play, but he would not allow me to hold him.  Thevisit flew by and I had to take my leave; I cried all the way home.  My arms ached to hold my grandson and I once more poured out my heart to my Father above--pleading with him to let me have a relationship with my grandson.

Patience has never been one of my virtues.  Time went by and I was able to have short visits with Ben once or twice a week.  He was not afraid of me anymore, but always chose his grandfather when he wanted to be held or cuddled but I still cherished every moment with him.

    My son eventually found out about my visits and seemed to be ok with it.  After about six months, I got brave enough to ask him if I could watch Ben for an entire day instead of him having to go to the sitters.  He reluctantly agreed and I got to spend my first day alone with my favorite lil man.

  When he woke that morning we cuddled in the recliner and watched his favorite cartoons while he drank from his sippy cup.  I fixed him breakfast, we played, ate lunch, played some more, and then it was time to go home.  I once more cried all the way home and begged my Heavenly Father again for more time with Ben.

Two major events happend after that that seem to change everything.  I began a new job that was only suppose to take up a short portion of my day, but, once I actually began the job, I realized I was misinformed and would be away the majority of the day--long, long hours.  That meant, I would never get to see Ben.  Even worse, the job was not at all how it was described to me and I found my self working in a situation that was dangerous.  I worked around murderers, drug dealers, and in the worst neighborhoods of the city-- all alone.  My anxiety was through the roof and between knowing that I would never be able to see my grandson again and always being fearful for my life, I came crashing down emotionally.  After two weeks, I did something I've never done before--I walked off the job.

During that event, my son left his job for a new one.  This new job began at 4 a.m.--meaning he would need a babysitter for Ben about 3:30 in the morning.  There was only one person available at that time--me.

I began watching my grandson on a regular basis, eventually, I was able to find a part-time job that allowed me the hours that I could watch Ben all day long--no more sitter--yeah!

Things, of course, are not perfect. Without a fulltime job I have no benefits and very little pay, no security.  My son and I still have our ups and downs.  But, my prayer was answered.  My loving Heavenly  Father made it possible for me to, not only see my grandson as I had prayed for, but, to spend my days taking care of him--a tender mercy from the Lord. 

     I now get to hold him in my arms, cuddle with him, play, make cookies, sing, The Wheels on the Bus as we drive along in the car.  Oh, and one more thing, Ben calls me Mom Mom!